Sleep Training

How ignorant we were. Being parents in this budding internet age is... interesting. There's plenty of fear-mongering to feed our paranoia. With Andrew we identified with Attachment Theory. Complete bullshit in hindsight. Attachment Theory caters to a parent's selfish desire to give their child and endless supply of fish instead of teaching him to fish on the premise that eventually the child will want to learn to fish and will either ask you how it's done or magically learn on their own.

For a parent of a single child, this co-dependent behavior is comforting even though the nights are rough. "He'll outgrow it" we say. Andrew was 16 months old before he consistently slept through the night. He was 19 months old before he consistently put himself to sleep at night. Bullshit. All because we never gathered the balls to teach how to fish for himself. Now he's over 2 years old and he still uses a pacifier on a regular basis. REGULAR basis.

With the twins we no longer have time for any of this catering/coddling nonsense. We know it doesn't serve them well and we're looking for solutions. We decided to take the plunge and commit to the exact instructions of a sleep trainer. Enter Vivian. She came over to our home Monday morning about 10:30 am, assessed out situation including the boys' rooms, what they wear to keep them warm, their size, feeding schedules, nap schedules, bedtime routine... the whole nine yards. She gave us a number of little suggestions to take effect immediately (most notably, NO MORE PACIFIERS - "baby cigarettes" as she called them) and a structured... flowchart I guess you'd call it, although it wasn't visual, on how long to let them cry and what to listen for.

The structure below was built for our twin boys based on god-knows-what from Vivian's experience. I'm talking about this now here mainly because I want to be able to share this experience with the boys later if they want to know. Of course, I'm all too happy to share my elation with parents who are just as confused and bewildered as Kel and I were. Our boys are now 4 months old, are very healthy, and are in about the 50 percentile for the various stats for all children their age. Vivian may create a different set of rule for you as your child will be different from ours. I would recommend talking with a professional about this and not going off of the little tidbits below from another amateur like me.

We're to listen to 3 types of cries: whining/fussing (which we are to ignore), screaming crying (which we are to ride out for 35 minutes minimum), and a "wave" cry (which switches back and forth between the first two; this one we're to ride out for 40-50 minutes, depending on how long the last scream in the wave was). If any of these cries continue after the above time limits we "take action".
For naps, "take action" means to go in and stop the nap. Try again in 45 minutes. For nighttime, "take action" means bring a bottle into their room, pick them up and feed them, no talking, no rocking, no changing (unless you smell a poop); strictly business. Feed him until he stops, give him a burp. Put him back down. No nonsense. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Monday naps were kind of tricky. Not bad but not great. I think we started with the first nap so they had an idea of what was ahead for nighttime. Monday night we only needed to "take action" with each once. Tuesday naps went fine. 5-10 minutes of crying at the start, then out.

Tuesday night...

They slept all night long. Blew. My. Mind. 6:30 pm to 6:45 am. Kel and I woke at 4:30 this morning and had no idea what was going on. I guess we went back to sleep because soon after that the 6:30 alarm went off. I'm here at work now and I have no idea what's going on. The whole world is full of opportunity now. I don't even know...

I think the timing was kind of perfect for the twins. Vivian says she can work with children (and by "children" I of course mean "parents"; who's really being trained here?) as long as the child is healthy and at least 8 weeks and 12 pounds. I obviously shouldn't count any chickens yet. We need to keep the log going until we get 5 consecutive nights from them. I'm clearly optimistic.

If your a relatively new parent reading this and are considering sleep training, as far as I'm concerned it's the only way to go. Don't make excuses for yourself postponing teaching and disciplining your children. That's what this is really about. My boys are visibly happier now that they are rested. I know I am.